Listening to the Voice of Truth

Are you crazy???  What if they cause trouble?  What if their behavior rubs off onto your other kids?  What if you get too stressed out?  What if things don't work out?  What if you can't find a babysitter when you need one?  What if you can't ever afford a bigger vehicle?  Where will they all sleep when you have to move to a smaller house?  How will you afford that many kids?  Don't you know you will always be tired?  Wow...that's going to be a lot of college tuition!  How will you ever manage that much laundry?  What if they hate you?  What if they hate the kids?  How will you have time to spend with each of them?  What if you can't help them?  What if their bio parents hate you?  How will you afford to feed them all?  Why are you doing this?  Why can't you just be satisfied with the kids you already have? 

Oh the devil.  He's an evil one.  He tells me I'll fail.  He tells me I'm not good enough.  He laughs at me.  He creeps into my thoughts at night.  He wants me to doubt my abilities.  He accuses me.  He is there when I get frustrated with the kids.  He laughs and says "You want MORE of THIS?  Think again!"  He reminds me how materialistic I am by temtping me with things I can't afford with four kids, much less six.  He mocks me.  He tries to make me question.  He wants my heart to harden.  He wants me to forget.  He wants me to stop listening.  He wants me to be blind.

Satan points his finger at me and tells me I can't.  But God says to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)

That's all I need to know.  God is my rock, my fortress, my refuge, my provider, my comforter.  I will not turn my eyes away because of fear or doubt others have on my behalf.  Satan, those are others' issues, not mine and not my Saviors. 

These are not monsters.  They are children, babies.  Just like ours.  It's not their fault.  They are broken and hurting and lonely.  We can't pretend they aren't there.  We can't wait until we are "called."  We can't be scared of "giving them up."  We can't not love them because we don't want to lose them.  We could lose the children we have but we love them anyway.  We don't know if they will be with us tomorrow!  What if your child was alone and abandoned?  Could you turn your eyes?  Could you be deaf to their cries?  Would you say they were too messed up to risk loving?  Would you let them grow up alone because there was a chance bringing their life into your home would make things too "messy?"  There is no perfect time.  Even yesterday was too late.  Today will never be good enough.  Tomorrow isn't promised. 

I'm so thankful that Christ didn't see me this way.  I am a messy, needy, problematic sinner and I come with all kinds of baggage.  I will love them because He loves me.  I will care for them because He cares for me.  I will counsel them because He counsels me.  I will provide for them because He provides for me.  I will give my all to them because He gave His life for me.

 "Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done.  Not because of what I've done, but because of who You are!"  (lyrics, Who Am I? by Casting Crowns)

Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns (lyrics)

Oh what I would do to have

The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in

Onto the crashing waves

To step out of my comfort zone

To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is

And He's holding out his hand

But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed

The waves they keep on telling me

Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'

"You'll never win"

But the voice of truth tells me a different story

And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"

And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"

Out of all the voices calling out to me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

Oh what I would do to have

The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant

With just a Sling and a stone

Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors

Shaking in their armor

Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand

But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me

Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed

The giant keeps on telling me

Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!

"You'll never win"

But the stone was just the right size

To put the giant on the ground

And the waves they don't seem so high

From on top of them looking down

I will soar with the wings of eagles

When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus

Singing over me

I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth

National Day of Prayer

Today is the National Day of Prayer.  I didn't know this until I saw a few people posting about it on social media.  Since we homeschool, I try to make note of days like this with the children and set aside lesson time to discuss it.  And this one especially, since God isn't welcome in public school much these days.  Celebrate Dr. Suess' birthday?  You betcha!  Spend a whole week prepping for that day.  A day to set aside praying for our leaders?  Not so much.

We started by looking up the background and mission of the day.  Interesting enough, but I could tell the girls' attention was fading so we took the list of recommended things to pray for and talked about what we could pray for each group, specifically.  This is where they became engaged and started really blowing my mind with their high level thinking and ability to communicate those high level thoughts...something I struggle with so much!  (I'm always wishing I could verbalize what I want to say more intelligently!)

Here is the recommended list of prayer points for today's special day:

Emphasize prayer for America and its leadership in the seven centers of power:     

Government

Military

Media

Business

Education

Church

Family

These thoughts below were actual unprompted ideas from my children, ages 13 and 10:

Government - Pray that they will seek God in making important decisions for our country

Military - Pray for their safety while they are away serving, pray for their families at home who are living without them and pray for their ability to function well and feel normal when coming home.

Media - Pray that they will keep television shows PURE and appropriate for the whole family.

Business - Pray that they will seek God when making business decisions and not be afraid to proclaim Christ.

Education - Pray for our leaders in schools and our teachers.  Pray that more believers will go into the field of education and therefore hopefully will bring God back into the schools!  Thank God that we are allowed freedom in education and the ability to homeschool if we choose.

Church - Pray that the body of believers will grow in relationship to Christ, to each other and congregation size.  Pray that the church can be a bigger influence in the community.

Family - Pray for families to be strong and seek God.  Pray for adopted children and foster children who come from broken families, that they find love and acceptance and what it feels like to have a family.  Pray for the broken families, that they will heal and for the families that can't stay together, that they can retain a friendly and loving relationship with each other.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm doing well enough as a mother to my children.  I have a long running list in my head of things I am not doing and ways I am not good enough.  I don't have to look very far to see a mom that is so much better at so many things!  I wonder if decisions I am making on their behalf are best or if I am really messing up.  But I will say, in moments like today, while sitting next to these girls and hearing them speak out about issues like this, in their own words and from their own hearts...I want to weep and raise my hands to God in gratitude for letting me share life with them.  In moments like this, I feel like in the MOST important things, maybe I'm not doing so bad after all.

If you want more information about the history and mission of the National Day of Prayer, visit www.nationaldayofprayer.org

A name is a name is a name!

When we were trying to think of a name for our new organization, we wanted to say simply what the purpose was, in a cool, not too cutesy way...you know something serious...

I looked up the word "provisional" in the dictionary (okay, technically it was dictionary.com!) and it said that provisional meant to "provide for the needs of."  That hooked me.  That's EXACTLY what we want to do.  In love.  We want to be God's hands and feet, to do service for others in God's name, to provide for the needs of others...Provisional Love.  Boom.  There it is.

Since I often can't turn off my mind...(most often as I lay in bed at night listening to my husband snore mocking my inability to sleep...and on purpose, I'm sure,) I was thinking about how this is also the foundation of the foster care concept.  We want to provide for the needs of the children, in love.  They all need a lot of things, all different kinds of things because of all the different backgrounds they come from...but the most basic, most primitive thing that need provided to them is LOVE.  They need to know that they are loved.  No matter what.  Even if they can't talk.  Even if they can't sit still or obey or participate in a group setting without picking fights.  Even if they can't look you in the eye, or hug you or express themselves.  Even if they are three grades behind in school or can't seem to stop screaming every night because of night terrors.  Even if they break your dishes, or color on your walls or constantly hide food in their rooms.  Even if, even when, even though...  they want to be loved.

Will it be easy to provide that for them?  Honestly, usually not...most often not.  Are we called to do so, even if it is hard?  You bet. 

My favorite call to service is here: My children, we should love people not only with words and talk, but by our actions and true caring.  1 John 3:18

Among so many other verses referencing this, here is another directive:

He helps the orphans and widows and he loves strangers and gives them food and clothes.
Deuteronomy 10:18

Do you think God, our Father finds it easy to love us?  We are the worst of the worst, the most broken of the broken...the ugly in this world is because of our sin.  We are the least deserving...but He loves us despite.  Is it so hard for us, then, to show some of that grace to the least among us?

Anyway, all this to say, it may not be the best name or the most sophisticated name or the most professional name for our organization...but it found me.   The Lord validated in in my heart.  And...the girls like it.  :-)

Eek! First purchase!

Madyson and I travelled to Brenham last night and bought two tiny little radio flyer tricycles to start our inventory.  One is in great shape but the second one leaves a lot to be desired.  We decided that one will be a project.  So commence project Bling it up!  We will turn this one into a sweet ride fit for a princess.  Excited! 

Made a pretty cool contact today, which felt good. 

Keep this project in your prayers!  Pray for abundant and eager connections!

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Fostering in Our Home

What's going on in our home? 

Getting recertified:  they told us not to close out our home and we didn't listen!  We are awfully stubborn.  Now, we have to do SO MUCH all over again.  That's okay, though...we are up for the challenge.  I expect to be finished with all of our recertifications in about one month.  Then we will just be ready and waiting.  I have almost all of our paperwork finished and we just lack the things that require $$...like, new fingerprints, updated CPR/First Aid certifications, buying what seems like a thousand more smoke detectors, etc.  Am I griping?  Well, maybe...but allow me that!

I am back in the same place as I was, when we were waiting before...the hard thoughts...such as:  what is happening right now to the children that will come to us?  What trauma are they enduring?  Are they getting hugs, meals, baths, ...?  As a mother, it hurts to think about your biological children being in a situation like that, being neglected and abandoned.  Let me assure you, as a mother, it hurts just as much to think of your foster and future adopted children being in a situation like that...and worse, because you KNOW its happening and you can't do anything to help.  Worse...you  know it HAS to happen, for them to even come to you.  Painful thoughts...

So, I do all I can do...I pray.  Pray that they are strong and can survive the ordeal while keeping their ability to love and be loved.  Will you pray with us?

Cindy

Ready, Set, Go!

Our new venture starts today.  Please take a few minutes to read our mission purpose on the side of this page.  ->

We hope that we are able to encourage support and promote awareness...but more importantly and more basically, we just want to do something to help.  We want to do something, however small and insignificant it may be in the grand scheme of things.  Will this touch one child; one family?  If so, then I'd call it successful and worth our time.

The foster care system in Texas is so overworked and it seems to be getting more so everyday.  We, as a society, need to step up and fill the gaps.  This family mission: Provisional Love, is our humble attempt.

Stay caught up with our goings on here as we blog LIFE as we live it.

Here we go!  -Cindy