Are you crazy??? What if they cause trouble? What if their behavior rubs off onto your other kids? What if you get too stressed out? What if things don't work out? What if you can't find a babysitter when you need one? What if you can't ever afford a bigger vehicle? Where will they all sleep when you have to move to a smaller house? How will you afford that many kids? Don't you know you will always be tired? Wow...that's going to be a lot of college tuition! How will you ever manage that much laundry? What if they hate you? What if they hate the kids? How will you have time to spend with each of them? What if you can't help them? What if their bio parents hate you? How will you afford to feed them all? Why are you doing this? Why can't you just be satisfied with the kids you already have?
Oh the devil. He's an evil one. He tells me I'll fail. He tells me I'm not good enough. He laughs at me. He creeps into my thoughts at night. He wants me to doubt my abilities. He accuses me. He is there when I get frustrated with the kids. He laughs and says "You want MORE of THIS? Think again!" He reminds me how materialistic I am by temtping me with things I can't afford with four kids, much less six. He mocks me. He tries to make me question. He wants my heart to harden. He wants me to forget. He wants me to stop listening. He wants me to be blind.
Satan points his finger at me and tells me I can't. But God says to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." (2 Corinthians 12:9)
That's all I need to know. God is my rock, my fortress, my refuge, my provider, my comforter. I will not turn my eyes away because of fear or doubt others have on my behalf. Satan, those are others' issues, not mine and not my Saviors.
These are not monsters. They are children, babies. Just like ours. It's not their fault. They are broken and hurting and lonely. We can't pretend they aren't there. We can't wait until we are "called." We can't be scared of "giving them up." We can't not love them because we don't want to lose them. We could lose the children we have but we love them anyway. We don't know if they will be with us tomorrow! What if your child was alone and abandoned? Could you turn your eyes? Could you be deaf to their cries? Would you say they were too messed up to risk loving? Would you let them grow up alone because there was a chance bringing their life into your home would make things too "messy?" There is no perfect time. Even yesterday was too late. Today will never be good enough. Tomorrow isn't promised.
I'm so thankful that Christ didn't see me this way. I am a messy, needy, problematic sinner and I come with all kinds of baggage. I will love them because He loves me. I will care for them because He cares for me. I will counsel them because He counsels me. I will provide for them because He provides for me. I will give my all to them because He gave His life for me.
"Not because of who I am, but because of what You've done. Not because of what I've done, but because of who You are!" (lyrics, Who Am I? by Casting Crowns)
Voice of Truth by Casting Crowns (lyrics)
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of faith it takes to climb out of this boat I'm in
Onto the crashing waves
To step out of my comfort zone
To the realm of the unknown where Jesus is
And He's holding out his hand
But the waves are calling out my name and they laugh at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The waves they keep on telling me
Time and time again. 'Boy, you'll never win!'
"You'll never win"
But the voice of truth tells me a different story
And the voice of truth says "Do not be afraid!"
And the voice of truth says "This is for My glory"
Out of all the voices calling out to me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
Oh what I would do to have
The kind of strength it takes to stand before a giant
With just a Sling and a stone
Surrounded by the sound of a thousand warriors
Shaking in their armor
Wishing they'd have had the strength to stand
But the giant's calling out my name and he laughs at me
Reminding me of all the times I've tried before and failed
The giant keeps on telling me
Time and time again "boy, you'll never win!
"You'll never win"
But the stone was just the right size
To put the giant on the ground
And the waves they don't seem so high
From on top of them looking down
I will soar with the wings of eagles
When I stop and listen to the sound of Jesus
Singing over me
I will choose to listen and believe the voice of truth
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